So I got this wild idea last week – what if I actually tried livin’ by the December 17th horoscope predictions? Like full immersion style. Woke up at 7AM and grabbed my phone before even peeing, squintin’ at the screen while still half-asleep.
The Setup
First things first – dug up every zodiac prediction I could find:
- Aries: “Major career breakthrough! Speak up in meetings”
- Taurus: “Avoid travel – stay grounded literally”
- Gemini: “Unexpected money from old connections”
Since I’m a Cancer (July baby!), mine said two weird things:
- “Emotional breakthroughs before lunch”
- “Don’t trust fish-related offers”
Morning Shenanigans
Chugged coffee like my life depended on it waiting for this “emotional breakthrough.” Texted my sister about childhood trauma at 8:15AM – she left me on read. Called mom at 9:30 – got her voicemail. By 11AM I’m staring at my goldfish bowl wondering if that counted as “fish-related.”
Then BAM – noon hits and my neighbor shows up cryin’ about her divorce. We end up huggin’ on my porch for twenty minutes. Horoscope 1, Me 0.
The Plot Twist
Afternoon rolls around and my college buddy Dave messages outta nowhere. Says he owes me forty bucks from 2018! Sent it via PayPal right then. Gemini prediction working for a Cancer? Astrology’s drunk.
Tried testin’ the Taurus thing by walkin’ to the store instead of driving – stepped in dog crap twice. Shoulda stayed home.
The Verdict
Ended the day confused as hell:
- Got my “emotional moment” – just not how I pictured
- Scored free money from nowhere
- Goldfish stared at me suspiciously all evening
Weirdest part? My Aries friend actually DID present her project at work and got promoted. Meanwhile my Taurus coworker called in sick after his car broke down on the highway. Spooky stuff man.
Would I do it again? Hell no – my feet still smell like pavement and Labrador droppings. But gotta admit… that horoscope knew things.
