by My Morning Routine
Woke up extra early today, like 5:30 AM early, because I promised to test these September 16th love horoscope tips. Grabbed my chipped #1 Astrologer mug, poured that strong black coffee – needed fuel for this experiment. Scrolled through four different astrology apps while chewing toast, trying to see what love vibes were predicted.
Testing the Tips
Gemini section said “speak your hidden feelings” which made me laugh cause my wife hates my morning breath. Still, decided to try it. Leaned over while brushing teeth and mumbled: “Babe… I secretly think your pancake flip skills are sexy.” Got eye-roll plus toothpaste spit on my shirt. 0/10 would not recommend pre-coffee confessions.
The Taurus tip about “wearing red for passion” seemed safer. Dug out my faded college hoodie – only red thing I own. Wore it grocery shopping. Cashier asked if I was supporting some sports team. Old lady behind me complained my hoodie pocket was knocking over avocados. No passionate encounters unless you count almost fighting over ripe bananas.
Real Test at Lunch
Met my buddy Mark for pizza. His Libra horoscope said “expect romantic surprises”. He spent whole lunch checking his phone, jumping when notifications dinged. Turned out to be:
- Group chat spam about fantasy football
- His dentist appointment reminder
- A phishing email titled “Your Lonely Heart Solution”
Left disappointed, though he did get surprise garlic knots which we agreed count as love.
Final Attempt
The Virgo recommendation was “organize shared spaces”. Figured our messy garage might be killing romance vibes. Spent two hours sorting rusty nails into jars while listening to sad breakup playlists. Wife came out, tripped over a skateboard, yelled: “Is this your midlife crisis?” Only sparks were from friction when dragging broken lawnmower. At least scorpions living in old boxes didn’t sting us.
What Actually Worked
Turns out best love tip wasn’t in horoscopes at all. Ordered takeout, ignored phones, and watched trashy reality TV with wifey. Laughed when she threw popcorn at contestants. Ended up slow dancing to commercial jingles in pajamas. Stars didn’t predict that magic. Lesson learned? Forget zodiac – just pay attention to whoever’s dancing in socks beside you.
