Woke up super early today feeling kinda blah, you know? My coffee tasted off and my cat knocked over a plant. Figured I’d check my horoscope for funsies, but all those generic “you’ll find love” sites sucked. Decided to DIY my own horoscope guide thing.
Step 1: Hunting Down Scattered Info
Grabbed three different horoscope books collecting dust on my shelf – the cheap ones from that flea market trip last summer. Flipped through pages for like 40 minutes hunting Taurus predictions. Highlighted money stuff with yellow marker, love crap with pink. Pro tip: use sticky notes unless you wanna ruin books like me.
Step 2: Spreadsheet Madness
Opened Excel feeling fancy. Made columns for: Money Opportunities, Love Warnings, and General Vibe. Typed in random stuff like:
- “Don’t lend cash to coworkers” (from Leo section)
- “Old flame might drunk-text” (found in Aquarius)
- “Avoid seafood lunches” (no idea why but wrote it down anyway)
My laptop died mid-typing ’cause I forgot to charge it. Of course.
Step 3: Adding Personal Touches
Remembered that Mercury retrograde messed up my dentist appointment last month. Scribbled that down as a caution note. Also added my personal rule: Never discuss crypto during dates (learned that the hard way).
Step 4: Testing on Friends
Texted bullet points to my group chat:
- “Geminis should check tire pressure before road trips”
- “Scorpios will spill coffee on shirts today – wear black”
Sarah (Virgo) replied “WTF this actually happened” with coffee stain photos. Validation achieved!
The Final Hot Mess
Printed my messy spreadsheet pages, slapped ’em on the fridge with pizza magnets. Already looking forward to Wednesday’s chaos. Honestly? Most useful horoscope I’ve ever had – told me exactly when to duck away from my neighbor’s rant about his divorce. 10/10 recommend scribbling your own cosmic cheat sheet.
